Anniversary

Tuesday the 13th of October the first anniversary of the death of my dear wife Heather. I am writing this virtually at a loss for words to express my feelings. So I will just convey my heartfelt thanks to all my family and friends for their support over this past year, and for everyone whose support either via Skype, Facebook, email, text, letter, comments, phone or visit has helped me to cope with our loss.
Much Love to you all.

Birthday

My Darling Heather
As I lay your birthday flowers
I close my eyes and try not to see
The darkness now between us
I shut my ears and try not to listen
For the silence between us
I grieve the loss that tears the heart
Of my being.
My Darling Heather
There is no pain like the want of your love

Posy

I continue to grow Heather's favourite annuals, begonias, cosmos, and sweet peas. Some of them make beautiful cut flowers for a scented indoor display. Heather delighted in posies of flowers from the garden and today I took the first cuttings of our sweet peas. Here is a little posy of them with a few sprigs of lavender. Obviously no photo can do justice to the heady fragrance of these old fashioned sweet peas; in a closed room they fill the air with their perfume.

Anniversary

When the world was yet abed
Before the city stirred
Again to the place where my love waits
Where the low beech hedge in late spring green
Was glossy wet from falling rain
White garnered blooms from our garden laid
To honour the day when we were wed
The 6th of June these 23 years past.

Winter Garden

This was the scene at first light this morning. I motored home in flurries of snow along the M69 late last night, and this was the winter snowscape that greeted me this morning. The forecast is for more of the same all this week.

The bird feeders are fully charged. We have a total of five feeders some with sunflower hearts and others containing peanuts. Several coconut halves filled with fat and suet are hanging around the arches at the top of the garden. There are still plenty of berries on the pyracanthas, and every morning handfuls of currants and bread crumbs are scattered on the lawn to help the birds through the cold snap.

Feeding the birds draws them to the garden for our pleasure. But by feeding the birds are we interfering with nature and the process of natural selection? Discuss.

Remembering

Yesterday, Tuesday 13th of January, and three months since Heather was lost to us. Sally, Charlie and me paid our respects at St John's Church in the Garden of Remembrance. Snowdrops were showing their leaves and stalks above the soil and their little white flowers will soon carpet the church grounds. To the sound of children at play in the primary school over the way Sally laid daffodils, Heather's favourite spring flowers, on the place where Heather's ashes lie. I laid a simple bunch of red roses, and then Sally scattered 'petticoat tails' around.
We lingered for a while remembering...
At home I have hung a picture of Heather on a wall in the living room directly opposite the group photograph of the 'Gang of Four'.

Carol Service

Am I really standing here
Singing with my memories
Of when once another's voice blended
With the carol and the song?

If I could but hear her singing as we sing now!
If I could but see the radiance on her dear face!
If I could but feel her hand entwined with mine!
There would be no sob to smother nor hidden tears.

Look upon me standing here
In the midst of this singing throng
Lost and alone in my sorrow
Since I may not keep this Christmas with my love.

Autumn in the garden

Both FB and me were fond of poetry. Often we would read to each other. The prose effort in the previous post recalled exchanges we had before Heather passed away, and reflected my mood in the Garden of Remembrance one evening.
Sometimes I would pen a silly rhyming ode for FB or friends. Here's one I thought of earlier this week while working in the garden...

I've planted the effing panolas
In the tubs like you wanted me to
Though it's perishing cold in late autumn
And I've a gawd-awful dose of the flu.

I've swept up the leaves on the patio
And piled them all up in a heap
'Cos I knew you would silently nag me
So I wouldn't be able to sleep.

I've dug all over the veg patch
And forked in manure to boot
Now the plot is okay for spring planting
I did it for you me old fruit.

I've worked long and hard in the garden
Though it's broken my back I declare
So I'll now go and soak in the bathtub
And change into clean underwear.

Solace

I was drawn to the place
Where I knew her ashes lay waiting
Beneath the low beech hedge
Under the fallen leaves and the grass.
I said, My Darling I'm afraid
I'll never come through this alone.
She said, I will always be with you
My arms wrapped all around you
And my hand in your hand
When it's time for you to join me.
The night came on, and it was so still
I wanted the night to go on and on
But she said no,
Go back into the World.

Remember

Remember me when I am gone away,
Gone far away into the silent land;
When you can no more hold me by the hand,
Nor I half turn to go yet turning stay.
Remember me when no more day by day
You tell me of our future that you planned:
Only remember me; you understand
It will be late to counsel then or pray.
Yet if you should forget me for a while
And afterwards remember, do not grieve:
For if the darkness and corruption leave
A vestige of the thoughts that once I had,
Better by far you should forget and smile
Than that you should remember and be sad.

Christina Rossetti

May 2008

Taken on the 26th of May this year showing Heather looking beautiful and serene whilst in remission. Heather had recovered her lovely head of hair after undergoing chemotherapy and radiotherapy, only to lose it again later when a brain stem tumour was diagnosed and after further radiotherapy.

These photos of Heather were taken at home by Michael.

FB Clip

Looking for a video to watch I chanced upon a VHS tape recording of Heather's retirement party. I have copied the recording from tape to DVD disc. This is just a short clip converted to .avi from that DVD recording.